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Whilst I have absolutely no prejudice against bisexuality, I find that the thought of a boyfriend who also fantasises about Ryan Reynolds, doesn't particularly appeal to me. Having just read this blog post through, I have come to the conclusion that going on dates is the best thing since sardine and peanut butter sandwiches (honestly, give them a try! I have also realised that it has been far too long since I have thrown anything at James F.
Between the Friday morning I left the hotel and the Wednesday evening I spoke to him, I sent two early morning text: Happy Fathers Day (which got a response by 6pm in the evening) Happy Birthday (which also got a response by 6pm in the evening, requesting a phone call) I knew something was off, I already probably even knew the answers in my gut, but I’m the type who to address the outstanding discussion from the week prior.
He said he acknowledges that our sex styles are off, in his opinion our sex is still very good, but understands that’s not the same as great.
He noted that he hadn’t yet googled the shaving of pubic hair.
As I'm sure many of you are aware, I love going on dates. On an adequately pleasant date with Sam* at the harbour, he informed me, in slightly more colourful terms, that he'd gotten a bit jiggy with his friend the previous week. My dog was suddenly very poorly, and I refrained from seeing Sam again. It's all juicy and round like a baboon." James F strikes again with his hideous ability to make a compliment sound like an insult. Though our dating days are well and truly over (baboon bum tipped me over the edge I'm afraid), we're still friends, and next time I see him I will most definitely throw an honorary spoon at him.
Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means a serial dater, and tend to just go on one or two a month (and even that's if I'm having a particularly wild streak), but I am a self confessed first date junkie, and absolutely love the giddy euphoria of meeting some new, or someone I already knew, in a date-like setting. (*Name changed to avoid disclosing his innermost secrets to any oblivious current girlfriends/boyfriends! I hope you're all okay and have had a glorious weekend!
I've met many fantastic guys throughout my journey into young womanhood (/walrushood) so far, and have had some utterly brilliant, and of course some utterly not-so-brilliant dates (cough, splutter, , cough). To this day, I am still trying to work out how James thought this 'compliment' would be well received. "Trust me, if you cut a sandwich into triangles, it tastes so much better than cutting it into squares." Courtesy of my incredibly stubborn friend JB, and his weird logic, during a we're-mates-shall-we-date-no-let's-just-be-mates kind of event that took place over a bottle of red wine last night. "If you marry me right now, I'll give you a crispy roast potato every day for the rest of our lives." It's safe to say, that , who I met in the grand land of Tenerife, takes holiday romance to a whole new level. I didn't marry him, by the way, although I did genuinely consider it for 2 and a half seconds. What's the best/worst thing a guy's ever said to you on a date?!
I'm sure as my blogging adventure progresses, I will write more posts about my hysterical adventures regarding menfolk, however I wanted to provide a brief round up of the best things that men have said to me on dates so far. In the aftermath of such a comment, I kicked him far more gently than I should have in the man parts. Note to self: Go to Southampton to meet up with Karl.
For one wild reason or another, all of the below quotes/comments/questions have gained their place in the memory capsule of my frazzling mind, some because they sent me into an oblivion of laughter/allowed me to kick them in the man-parts (liberating, I tell you!
), and others because they resulted in me sending the 'emergency call me asap!!! (Let's not beat around the bush, we're all guilty of telling Mr Dating Disaster that our dog's feasted on Aunt Julie's itchy bum cream, and we absolutely must rush off straight away to save him). Asked in all seriousness, on a romantic walk in the woods with James F, who quite evidently didn't appreciate my vibrant personality. " I cannot stress how lucky this guy is that I have a sense of humour, and in the aftermath of such a question, I threw a half broken stick at him. Asked in a borderline creepy voice in a car outside Cineworld after seeing the final Harry Potter film with Matt. Would you ever dress up in glasses and a cape for me?! Fate was well and truly sealed, and Hugo the great has gone on to become one of my dearest friends! When and I sealed our very first date with an in-depth chinwag on a bench looking out to the sea (I am a ridiculously cheap date), a funny looking pigeon descended onto the ground before us.
Before I get accused of making a mockery of the male species (I'm no meanie, I promise), I will take this point to clarify that I will be following this post up with a list of the best/worst things that I've ever said to guys on dates. " I can confirm that I never fulfilled Matt's fantasy, although I did give him a teaser and allow him to come to my appointment at Vision Express the following week. "F*ck Quality Street, I'm buying you a unicycle for Christmas! If you shout the following phrase at the top of your lungs in your best Brummy accent, you will understand why I was fairly embarrassed at how Hugo responded when I asked him how he was on our first date. " As much as he almost deafened me (alongside attracting some very confused glances), I did find myself spluttering with laughter so much that I couldn't even finish my bag of chips. Mr HOTD's face lit up as he said, "Kath, sometimes I really feel like I can connect with pigeons, you know.
Believe me, mine are probably 5 planets and a doughnut worse than anything you may read below. " This beauty was courtesy of the oh-so-lovely , who was referred to as 'the love of my life' at least twenty thousand times throughout my pubescent years. Seriously, I can communicate with them." (Cue worryingly brilliant pigeon impression)...Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating