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Recently, for the purposes of a documentary on this subject, I reviewed some footage of myself smoking heroin.
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I sat in a suite at the Savoy hotel, in privilege, resenting the woeful ratbag I once was who, for all his problems, had drugs.
That is obviously irrational, but the mentality and behaviour of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and, unless they have structured help, they have no hope.
This is the reason I have started a fund within Comic Relief, ‘Give It Up’.
The last time I thought about taking heroin was yesterday.
I had received ‘an inconvenient truth’ from a beautiful woman. I put Morrissey on in my car and as I wound my way through the neurotic Hollywood hills my misery burgeoned.
It wasn’t about climate change (I’m not that ecologically switched on). Soon I could no longer see where I ended and the pain began. I cannot accurately convey the efficiency of heroin in neutralising pain.It transforms a tight white fist into a gentle brown wave, and from my first inhalation 15 years ago it fumigated my private hell.A bathroom floor in Hackney embraced me like a womb, and now whenever I am dislodged from comfort my focus falls there.It is ten years since I used drugs or drank alcohol and my life has immeasurably improved.I have a job, a house, a cat, good friendships and generally a bright outlook.But the price of this is constant vigilance, because the disease of addiction is not rational.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating